Thursday, January 31, 2008

In Case You Didn't Already Know, I'm On The Bipolar Spectrum

you're seriously holding to a (0.00 / 0)
'why is a head on appraoch better than acting like you weren't asked a question in the first place" approach? Good Lord who are you and how pompous can you get in your bipolar state, Kraant? Seriously, you are a fucking psychotic piece of shit. I don't use those terms non-literally. You are fucking psychotic. GET HELP. In Australia you have access to health care, even mental, quite readily. Go get it and stop imposing your insanity on others, you piece of shit.

That's not a comment, it's an order, psycho. When it's free to you, it's amazing that you are still pounding your pyschosis on those in this nation. It's truly awe inspiring.

Jackass, get the help that you need. Period. That's an order. I don't give a rat's ass what others say about you anywhere. Get fucking help cuz you are fucking psychotic....and you thank your stars you don't live near me. :) That's not a joke.

as to your jacking off about answering your question, something you hold a serious double standard about....amazing.... or not....god you're a hypocrite lol......

head on approach? i didnt' expect you to give one, douchebag. passive-agressive psychosis is your way of life you stupid fuck. most don't know that but some do. some knmow it very well. :)
by Because I Said So @ Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 02:06:20 AM PST

Yeap, I am indeed on the Bipolar Spectrum. Comparatively it's not that bad, the only time I've really gone off my rocker is when I was fed antidepressants which really totally and utterly fucked up my life well and good. I actually coped quite fine with life before that except for one severe bout of depression which was what got me on the anti-depressants in the first place.

Post antidepressants, I don't function quite as well as I used to, but I kind of get along.

I don't take meds because I can sort of (barely) function without them and I've had very bad experiences with them.

Sure sometimes I can get bouts of depression out of nowhere or a little hypomanic sometimes, but you know what? Sometimes I get depressed for a reason, not because I'm a "psycho" and I can tell the difference. I've got enough insight into my condition for that.

Sure that I'm bipolar probably makes the normal human depression (not the medical kind) I can also get over actual things that have gone wrong in my life worse and more intense than it might be for the average bear, but you know what, here's how I can tell the difference.

When it's normal human depression I know it's caused by something or some situation I'm in. When I get myself out from that situation or it gets resolved the depression clears.

When it's the medical kind there's no help or relief like that. It's just there and there's no escaping it and I know that when that happens I need to get help. Mostly those bouts of depression aren't that bad. A bit worse than the blues I'd say, and the only time one has gotten so unbearable that I've needed help was the time I went and got help and got put on the damn antidepressants in the first place. If something like that ever hits me again I know what to do. I'll get help, and I know where to find it. I've got the phone numbers in my wallet for situations like that.

Probably the cruelest thing anyone can ever do to me is hurt me, then blame my feelings over it on my problem and tell me to get help.

Things like that are a problem I have because of my disorder, but they're not part of my disorder. I guess it just comes with the territory. It happens, you learn to deal with it.

Anyway, unlike some people out there, I know I have a problem, I have some insight into that. I admit it. I acknowledge it. I do my best to compensate for it and most importantly...

I'm open about it, I deal with it, and I live with it.

(How's that for direct?)


SmileySam said...

Please my friend, take this post down. As someone with enough problems of his own, you don't have a need to answer to anyone. By now you have lived thru enough pain and have enough exp. with your problems to know that what other think or say have no bearing in reality. You will do what is right when you come to the wall. Take a deep breath, a walk in the woods or on beach and ignores those that profess to think they know what is right for you.
As for meds, it sometimes takes yrs to find the one that works and in what dosage, and it can be hell during that time, but in the long run many find it was worth it, but that is a decision only you can make. I'm sure you know by now that denial is dangerous for bipolars and one must be constantly honest with themselves about what is going on. You know how to find my email if you need to talk.

kraant said...

Thank you for the kind concern you're showing me with this comment.

I don't know how to make that sound sincere, and it comes out a bit wooden, but I mean it.

On meds, I'm very well aware that if I start getting worse I'll have to start taking them and then I'll be on them for the rest of my life, but in the meantime I've learned to deal with my headspace as it is, learned to cope. I keep a close eye on myself, and watch for warning signs. Do reality checks.

I've been open about my condition and mentioned it on blogs before, although I've never written anything quite this personal on the issue before. I guess I'm talking about something that took me a long time to figure out myself. The difference between natural depression and grief in reaction to something and the pathological kind of depression. It confused the hell out of me for a long time and nearly did my head in. So I guess it might help someone who's where I was and confused and hurting about it so I want to leave it up.

Thank you.

dervish said...

That's very brave of you to bring this up... bravo! There's still such a stigma about it, but there shouldn't be... there wouldn't be if people only knew how common it is.

In my life I am nearly surrounded by bipolar folks (artists, musicians, creative types, etc). I've seen it as both a blessing and a curse. Either way, it's the bag we have to carry.